


I Dream of Memes

by Liztalkstrash



Series: Panty Saga [2]
Category: Dirk Gently's Holistic Detective Agency (TV 2016)
Genre: Humor, M/M, Misunderstandings, Pre-Relationship, brief drama
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-09
Updated: 2017-10-09
Packaged: 2019-01-15 07:07:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,047
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12316194
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Liztalkstrash/pseuds/Liztalkstrash
Summary: Dirk put a lot of stock in dreams. You never knew when vital information needed to crack a case would be revealed in one, and he’d read a fascinating article once about how they could reveal deep insights into one’s psyche, such as your preferences regarding cigars. Dreams were important, therefore, Todd’s fear of a rhino-frog stealing his intimate underthings was important.





	I Dream of Memes

**Author's Note:**

  * For [TheRoyalPrussianArmy](https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheRoyalPrussianArmy/gifts).
  * Inspired by [Dirk Gently's Holistic Meme Agency](https://archiveofourown.org/works/12310701) by [TheRoyalPrussianArmy](https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheRoyalPrussianArmy/pseuds/TheRoyalPrussianArmy). 



Dirk rubbed his hands together in anticipation before scrambling on top of the dumpster and beginning his ascent up Todd’s fire escape. Todd had told him in no uncertain terms that he wasn’t to ever come in through the window again, but come on! How many times does one get to scale a building and make a daring break-in? Well, Dirk thought as he jimmied open the window, _he_ got to, quite a lot in fact, but that was case-related and not the same. Also, those instances oftentimes had consequences, and usually very deadly ones at that, but the worst that could happen here was Todd throwing another shoe at him. And now he was expecting it and could dodge in a cool way. So, no downsides, really.

Dirk got his fingers underneath the wood trim with a minimum of crushing and swearing and pushed it up. It was pretty dark inside, it being around three a.m. and a moonless night, but he could just make out the lump on the bed in the corner that was presumably Todd, provided he hadn’t started using decoys. Probably a good idea considering the sorts of things that happened to them on a daily basis, but still unlikely. Dirk crept closer, pulling his reason for being here out of the lining of his jacket. It was too dark to see what was on this eight-and-a-half by eleven-inch piece of printer paper as he unfolded it, but if an observer with inhuman levels of night vision had been there, they would have seen that it bore an incredibly grainy picture of Shrek.

Dirk was vibrating with excitement, his free hand clamped over his mouth to keep the giggles from escaping. _Memes_. Amanda had introduced him to these wonderful Internet jokes a month ago, and it was like discovering a whole new world. The dancing CGI baby! The misspelling cats! And Dirk’s personal favorite, Doge. He couldn’t get enough of the shibu inu’s adorable expression and its colorful exclamations. He had a Tumblr blog now, decorated all by himself with only a little help from Amanda who helped him track down all the cool badges and cursor effects, and the vast majority of what he reblogged was memes. It always made him happy whenever he looked at it, which he spent a lot of time doing instead of, for example, important paperwork.

Todd had a rather… different reaction. He also had a Tumblr, but he didn’t seem to like it much and only followed Dirk and his sister, under duress from the latter. And he _hated_ memes, loudly complaining about all the great printouts Dirk had taped around the office and sighing whenever Amanda and Dirk made some clever reference. Dirk tried to find some that he could relate to, like the Grumpy Cat, but whenever he left a picture of it on Todd’s desk, it was crumpled up and pitched at Dirk’s head.

But Dirk didn’t get to where he was in life by giving up in the face of adversity, no sir! He was bound and determined to make Todd see the humor inherent in memes, even if that meant sneaking into his flat at an ungodly hour for a little lighthearted prank.

Both Todd and all the potential in this excursion lay before him now. The man in question was curled up on his left side with his back near the edge, and Dirk did his best not to breathe as he leaned over him to tape the picture to the unused pillow to the right of him. However, just as he was smoothing it out and about to straighten up, Todd shuddered in his sleep, whimpering, “Pepe no… n’t m’pannies…”

Dirk paused, one arm still outstretched. Did Todd just say what he thought he said? Admittedly, it was a bit difficult to parse his sleeptalking, but Pepe? And panties? _Todd’s_ panties? Todd didn’t wear panties, did he? No, he wore boxers, right? He resisted the urge to lift up the blanket and check. And why was Patrick Spring’s rhino trying to steal them? Or was he talking about the now-unfortunately-tied-to-racists meme frog?

As he clambered back down the fire escape, Todd’s words continued to niggle at him. Dirk put a lot of stock in dreams. You never knew when vital information needed to crack a case would be revealed in one, and he’d read a fascinating article once about how they could reveal deep insights into one’s psyche, such as your preferences regarding cigars. Dreams were important, therefore, Todd’s fear of a rhino-frog stealing his intimate underthings was important.

Dirk wasn’t judging him either, far from it. He didn’t know if Todd’s predilections were sexual in nature or merely aesthetic, but either way, Dirk considered himself A Man Of The World, and saw no problem with his friend wearing whatever kinds of clothes he felt comfortable in. In fact, this new revelation made him wonder if he had miscalculated how predictable Todd’s life was when they first met. Clearly there were still hidden layers to him. The thought of which made his mind wander, to nimble hands pushing down jeans, revealing creamy silk against olive skin…

He shook himself just in time, narrowly avoiding walking into a telephone pole. It wasn’t the first time he’d had thoughts like that (nor was it the first time he’d nearly collided with something because of them), but they weren’t… helpful. Things were good between him and Todd. Best not to think about anything that could unnecessarily complicate the situation.

He made it back to the Ridgely’s main entrance without further incident and skipped up the stairs to his own flat, still deep in thought. He had a choice: he could forget he heard anything and give Todd his privacy, or he could follow his gut and do something about it. Really, the answer was obvious. Dirk had never been a man to ignore a potential sign, and he wasn’t about to start now. He undressed and got into bed, making his plans for tomorrow as he went.

-

The many emotions that contorted Todd’s face when he opened his flat’s door to Dirk were complex, but none of them appeared to be particularly positive. “Oh! Oh, okay! Decided to actually try knocking on the fucking door this time, you dick?!”

Dirk winced. In all the excitement, he’d completely forgotten about his little prank. “Yyyyesssss, sorry about that… Did it make you smile even a little?”

Todd leveled him a stare that could have planed wood, which is also what his face seemed to be carved out of.

“Right. Okay. Well, that’s fine, because I got you a gift!” He held a wrapped box up between them like an offering to one of the more cantankerous gods.

Todd was not mollified by this. “Uh huh. What’s this one got inside it, a hunk of salt?”

Dirk started to grin despite himself. “That depends, do you crave that mineral?”

Todd thunked his head against the doorframe, breathing out a long sigh. Without looking up, he pushed the door open and away from him. “Just get in here, you dork.”

“I choose not to rise to your namecalling, Todd,” Dirk replied as he twirled past him. He flopped down onto the couch and began patting the cushion next to him insistently.

Todd pulled away from the doorway. “Yeah, yeah, I’m coming, keep your shirt on.” He slumped down as well, missing the strange expression that flitted across Dirk’s face. “Well?” Todd gestured impatiently to the small box Dirk was still clutching in his lap.

“Oh, right! Here you are!” As Todd started to tear into the paper, Dirk started to babble. “I didn’t know what size you are, obviously, but you’re not much smaller than me so I just went with a size smaller than what I’d get, and I didn’t know what color you’d prefer, but this one seemed really quite lovely-” Todd popped open the lid, and stilled. Dirk stopped breathing.

“Dirk. What.”

Dirk continued not to breathe.

Todd’s mouth worked around lost words, as his face began to color. He stared at the contents of the box for a moment longer, before all the air whooshed out of him and he dropped his face in his hands. “Dirk. Explain,” he ground out.

Dirk breathed in sharply, and his voice came out rather higher than he would have liked. “Welllllll-”

“Is this a fucking meme?!” Todd whipped around to face him suddenly, rapidly escalating from catatonic to incandescent. “Or… just some kind of fucking weird joke? What the fuck _is_ this, Dirk?”

Dirk waved his hands wildly in an attempt to placate. “It’s- No! It’s not like that! Look, when I was setting up my little prank last night, I overheard you say some things in your sleep-”

Todd’s eyes nearly popped out of his head at this. “What the _fuck!_ Are you kidding me?! So, what, breaking into my apartment wasn’t enough, you had to creep on me while I was sleeping-” He paused suddenly, and Dirk could see him connect the dots, making a very unfortunate picture. “Oh, you bastard. So _that’s_ what this is about. Well fuck you, buddy, okay? I don’t know what it is you think you know about me and I don’t fucking care, but if you think you can come in here and fuck with me-” Todd snatched the panties out of their little box and whipped them at Dirk’s face.

Dirk grabbed at them before they could fly off anywhere else and leaned forward, tears pricking his eyes. _“It’s not like that!”_

Todd stopped as they locked eyes, his anger visibly draining away. He opened and closed his mouth a few times, before breaking eye contact and collapsing back against the couch. “Okay, so what _is_ it like,” he intoned dully.

“I-I just,” Dirk began, trying not to twist the panties in his hands in his agitation. “You seemed so distressed, and I know how important dreams are, and I thought this would help… somehow…” He trailed off, looking down while trying to smooth the panties out in his lap. He had thought they were really lovely. They were practically the same color he had imagined, creamy off-white silk, with little pearlescent lace accents up the sides, around the edges, and decorating the crotch. The person working the shop had been very kind and had gently teased him about his “beau”, which he hadn’t the heart to correct.

“...Sorry.”

Dirk looked up. Todd was the one hunched in on himself now, picking at a hole in his jeans. He gave a little laugh. “Sorta overreacted there. I should’ve known you wouldn’t pull a stunt like that.” He reddened, and turned away slightly so Dirk couldn’t see his expression. “They’re, uh… really nice looking. Thank you.”

Dirk rubbed at his eyes and tried to sniffle unobtrusively. “I mean, it’s okay if you don’t like them. I shouldn’t have assumed you’d want them, or even, um, creeped on you in the first place.”

“No, it’s cool, I mean,” Todd huffed a laugh and stretched his arms up along the back of the couch, looking up at the ceiling with a smile, “It’s a little weird, I’ve never even gotten underwear for a girl, much less expected to get any myself, and I certainly didn’t expect to get any from my boss-”

“Oh.” Dirk’s brow wrinkled. “I didn’t think about that. Does this count as sexual harassment in the workplace?”

Todd laughed properly at that. “Christ, who would I even report that to? Farah?”

“Well, the police, Todd; I’m well aware that they don’t have a great record concerning these matters, but it is theoretically their job-”

Todd rolled his eyes. “It was a hypothetical, Dirk. Anyways, no, it’s fine, it’s a weird gift but I guess that makes it a very _you_ gift, and I accept it.”

Dirk smiled and handed the panties over, and Todd packed them away with only a moderate amount of blushing. They sat there a while longer in a companionable silence, until Dirk cleared his throat. Todd looked up questioningly, a smile playing around his lips.

“So. Do you think they’ll fit? Because I really wasn’t sure about the crotch-”

“ _Out._ ”

**Author's Note:**

> Well, here it is. The Panty Fic. Perhaps not as important a work as Dirk Gently's Holistic Meme Agency or The Saga of Pepe Jr., but I'm oddly proud of it nonetheless. My thanks to TheRoyalPrussianArmy for inspiring this with her hysterical musings on memes in the DGHDA Big Bang Discord chat.

**Works inspired by this one:**

  * [Pull 'em up](https://archiveofourown.org/works/12323397) by [TheRoyalPrussianArmy](https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheRoyalPrussianArmy/pseuds/TheRoyalPrussianArmy)




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